I never intended to be a stay-at-home mom, but here I am…overworked and underpaid, living in yoga pants and scrubbing my own toilets. It’s taken me about 13 years to accept my position for what it is: exhausting, frenzied, stressful, and never-ending. With my husband, I am raising two loving, creative, and lively boys who struggle with dyslexia and ADHD. I love my life and am grateful for all I have, but there are those times too when I think about getting in my car and just driving away. Occasionally, I feel like I’m on one giant hamster wheel, repeating Groundhog’s Day over and over. I light candles. I practice yoga. I suck down wine. And, most of the time I still want to smack someone.
A while back my friend, Rochelle, recommended The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle to me. That book presented me with an alternate way to view my reality. I try harder these days to remember that all I have is now. I aspire to find my highest self. And while I nearly never glimpse my higher self when I’m stuck in traffic on the way to drop someone off for tutoring or when I’m correcting math homework, the knowledge of its possible existence is never far away. Someday maybe I will embrace a wholehearted love for myself and my fellow people. Someday maybe I won’t care how wrinkled I am or notice how the dog-hair bunnies populate the surface of my wood floors. Someday maybe I will truly know peace. Maybe. Or maybe I’ll die trying. But, at least I will have tried and that’s something, right?
My name is Justine. These are my stories.