“Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.” ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
This morning I found myself reflecting on my post from last night and considering how difficult it is for me to say no. I am getting better at it bit by bit, but it still troubles me that my inability to say no is such an obstacle to maintaining my sanity. Sometimes I’m willing to sacrifice my mental well-being and my free time because the immediate path of least resistance requires me to accept something I didn’t go looking for and don’t really want to do. And I will say yes against my better judgment merely to avoid an uncomfortable situation. Sad but true.
What’s more striking (and sad), however, is how rare it is for me to say yes to a true opportunity that I should embrace when it presents itself. There’s always an excuse as to why I shouldn’t take a risk or put myself out there. And, oddly, it’s easier for me to say yes to something I wholly do not want to do than it is for me to say yes to something that could truly benefit me and that I honestly desire.
With these thoughts in my head I was scrolling through the updates on my Facebook news feed today when I came across this video. Apparently Billy Joel was conducting a Q & A session at Vanderbilt University where he was set to play a concert. Students were taking turns in an auditorium posing questions to the Grammy-Award winning songwriter and performer. When one gentleman found it to be his turn at the microphone, instead of asking a typical question, this young man started with a statement. He told Joel that New York State of Mind was a favorite of his. Then he did something truly bold. With a trembling, tentative voice, he asked Joel if he might accompany him for a performance of that tune. The crowd in the auditorium gasped, presumably jointly thinking “What a presumptuous little creep.” But what happened next was pure magic. Joel agreed. The young man walked on stage, exchanged a few words with Joel at the piano, and began to play a well-practiced introduction to the song while Joel sized up the kid’s talent. Joel then stepped up to the microphone and sang the entire song. Afterwards he applauded the young musician, exchanged a few more words with him, and told the audience to remember the name Michael Pollock. He then paid him what I think is the ultimate compliment. The guy’s got chops.
After I watched the video, I found myself questioning whether I would have the nerve to ask for what I wanted in that same situation. I’m sure there were plenty of other students in that crowd that wanted the same thing Michael did but didn’t have the cajones to ask. Whether because of fear, some notion of the rules of etiquette, nerves, or a myriad of other reasons, they wouldn’t take the risk. Sadly, I’m positive I would not have either.
We often hear the tired cliches: Nothing ventured, nothing gained and You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. We know these statements are true, yet how often do we let our fear rule our actions? There was always the chance that Mr. Joel would have politely and respectfully told Michael he was not interested. But there was also always a chance that he would consent. Michael chose to focus on that potential positive outcome, and he bravely asked the question. It paid off. And now for the rest of his life Michael will remember that he once played accompaniment for Billy Joel to his favorite tune because he was ballsy enough to ask. What a memory he created for his life’s storybook.
Some people are born with chops. It comes naturally to them to ask for what they want and to say no when the feel like it. The rest of us need to earn our chops. We’ve got to work at it. We’ve got to conquer our nerves and our fears about conventionally accepted behaviors and we’ve got to be willing to go beyond them. It’s not easy. But with time and repeated success it does become easier. With that in mind, I have a new goal for myself. I’m going to start working towards my chops. I don’t want to spend my life wondering what if or realizing I let pivotal moments slip by because I was afraid. I may not have been born with balls, but I’m going to acquire some before my time here is through.
Live Now and Zen 
What fun! That kid had the confidence to ask but also to DO it and do it well. Kudos to Billy Joel for saying his “yes”, too! I look forward to saying you’re one of the ballsiest women I know! 🙂
That would be awesome!!!
Good for that kid! I probably would not have been that bold, too, especially because people would think it inappropriate and self-serving. In a way, it IS self-serving, but how wonderful! He’ll look back not without saying “Too bad” but saying, “Whoah, I was good!”
I wobble between being a pleaser and not. I just tend to say yes to please when (1) I really just want to be nice and the favor won’t do anyone harm (although sometimes it takes my time) and (2) when my “no” accompanied with my explanation are not accepted by someone who’s got authority over me. Sometimes, though, I please because I want to make certain people happy. That makes me happy, too 🙂
About that last line, Betty White has a better idea than growing those. She’s right, though. Sometimes I ask, why can’t they say, “Be woman enough to…” Always it’s “Be man enough…”
I like to think it’s okay that strength is always attributed to males. I like to believe it’s okay because it takes the bigger person to do something because someone else needs it more than we do. And most women seem to know that women truly are stronger in most ways, so we can let the men think they are. 🙂
LOL!!!! This is the machismo complex or something. It just irks me sometimes, like if you say, “Be man enough to admit your fault,” does that mean women cam’t or don’t? Just thinking. Don’t mind me 😉
I like to please people I truly care about. People who are “takers” are the ones I struggle with. There I go between “just be nice” and “they don’t deserve it so don’t bother.” The latter is not a nice thought, but it does seem justified. 😉
I think I’ll agree with that last line, although I also thinks it’s on a case-to-case basis: what is the favor? is it a bad thing to do? do i have the time or resources for this? That sort of thing.