I hate Valentine’s Day. My disdain for this pseudo holiday is well-documented and goes back many, many years. It’s a day rife with limitless expectations and impossible demands, which means most people come away from it highly disappointed. Since I lowered my Valentine’s Day expectations to less than nothing (an event which occurred sometime around February 15, 1992), I no longer have any investment in this day whatsoever. I’ve determined that February 14th is simply an excuse to eat conversation hearts, and I’m good with that.
Today, though, my youngest son came home from school and pulled something out of his backpack. He was bursting with excitement and handed it to me. It was a folded card, colored on the front with a handwritten note on the back. This is the first time that I’ve received something from Luke in his own words and his own handwriting. I was blown away, not just because it was neatly written but also because nearly everything was spelled correctly. He didn’t even have any run-on or fragmented sentences. So proud. As I sat there reading and re-reading the note, it occurred to me that I finally had received what I wanted on Valentine’s Day…a heartfelt, unsolicited note of appreciation.
When I recall all those years I sat around hoping a guy would say something nice to me on Valentine’s Day and truly mean it without ulterior motive, all those years I wanted someone to open up with a mushy sentiment without any prompting from me, I realize that my expectations were skewed. No one was going to appreciate me the way I hoped they would. They were coming from their own view point, a view point which no doubt had largely been sketched out by the women who existed in their lives before I did. I needed more time. I needed time to have sons. I needed someone who would love me unconditionally and see the good in me before recognizing the flaws. I needed a blank canvas, untainted by past experiences. It took me so long to find the right Valentine because, apparently, I simply needed enough time to raise the right man for the job. 😉