Funky spherical lamp courtesy of IKEA

We went to IKEA as a family yesterday. The true purpose of the trip was to help Steve’s IKEA-virgin parents shop for a chair. They did buy a chair too, so the mission was a success. I have to wonder, though, how it is that I can go there to help someone else shop and end up with $230 in merchandise in my own cart?

I’m not complaining. For the most part we bought things we needed — or at least could justify. We got two sets of plain white dishes (12 bowls, small plates, and large plates), two full sets of  basic flatware (80 pieces), a small table lamp, a set of 300-thread count queen-size sheets, a couple decorative pillows, a stuffed rat, two stuffed mice, and a fry pan. We had been planning to buy the dishes and flatware to replace the items we received for our wedding over 16 years ago. The sheets were on sale and the decorative pillows match our new duvet so those, although not totally necessary, were a good choice. Hubby told me on the way in that he wanted to try out one of their small fry pans (I rolled my eyes, but let it slide). And the kids paid us from their allowance for the stuffed critters. The lamp I can’t explain. It seems to have hopped in our cart when I wasn’t looking, although it does look fabulous on our bedroom bookshelf.

As we were loading the items into the back of the FJ, we were reflecting on our IKEA experiences over the past decade, the items we’ve purchased, the furniture we’ve put together, the random stuff we somehow could not leave the store without. We came up with a bunch of new IKEA slogans, all based on the idea that IKEA is simply a Swedish phrase we Americans can’t understand. For example:

IKEA….Swedish for “We have all the crap you never knew you couldn’t live without.”

IKEA…Swedish for “Our pictograph assembly instructions are actually just replicas of cave drawings.”

IKEA….Swedish for “Our stores make finding your way out of Caesar’s Palace seem easy.”

IKEA….Swedish for “We can disassemble your marriage faster than you can assemble our dresser.”

IKEA…Swedish for “Your visit for a $5 meatball lunch will end up costing you $500 in furniture.”

IKEA…Swedish for “We offer free childcare when you arrive so we don’t have to find your lost children later.”

IKEA…Swedish for “Designed by Swedes, fabricated by underpaid Chinese, assembled cost-free by crazy Americans.”

Oh, IKEA. I tease, but you know I love you, darling. Although I know the tagline for your American stores is, “IKEA…The Life Improvement Store,” I still think any one of my slogans better represents the American IKEA experience. If you ever want to use one of them, let me know. You can pay me in meatballs.

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