Boys Will Be Boys

Here are 5 reasons why I am immeasurably glad I gave birth to boys instead of girls:

1) Their ability to pee standing up. This little convenience has saved us so many times on long car trips where there are no bathrooms for miles. I will even admit that there have been occasions when we have handed our sons empty water bottles in the car while we’ve been stuck in never-ending traffic on I-70 and let them have at it. Okay. It’s a bit gauche. But, you know what, I bet their little pee hoses have saved us unnecessary trauma at filthy rest areas all over this country.

2) Colorful and interesting word choices. Every single day I get to hear phrases including words like hot lava, explosion, death ray, imperial cruiser, and Uranus. In fact, my 8 year old just told his brother, “I’ve got my stun gun.” So precious. And way more fun than conversations about American Girl dolls. (Unless you recount the conversations when my boys combine hot lava, explosions, death rays, imperial cruisers, and Uranus in a story involving American Girl dolls.)

3) Whoopee cushions. ‘Nuff said.

4) Mud is better than glitter. Mud can be cleaned up. Glitter is sparkly herpes. Once you acquire it, you can never truly be rid of it.

5) Darth Vader is better than Barbie. Barbie has a Malibu townhouse, a pink convertible, and Ken. Darth Vader has galactic power, a Death Star, and the ability to force choke people without even touching them. Darth Vader – 1, Barbie – 0.