What Happens When You Don’t Buy The Damn Shoes

Almost two years ago, I wrote here about a pair of Betsey Johnson, ruby-red heels I tried on in a DSW store. I thought they were amazing and was publicly debating the practicality of purchasing shoes I might only wear a couple times, if that. The proposition seemed, at best, frivolous and, at worst, appalling given the number of people in this world who have no place warm to sleep tonight. In the end, my logical brain (with its finely honed “who do you think you are/get over yourself, old woman” mantra) decided against those lovely red shoes. I’ve kicked myself a little over that decision every day since then. Not because I’ve had a plethora of occasions when what I needed to complete my grocery-store-trek ensemble was a pair of bedazzled, high-heeled ruby shoes, but because in not buying them I reinforced the message to myself that I don’t deserve to follow my heart or whims or treat myself like I merit being shiny and extra sometimes.

The other day, I did this thing though, which I think provides proof of growth. I hit the purchase-now button and had these rhinestone-encrusted cowboy booties, another Betsey Johnson creation, sent to me. My entire life, I’ve been a fairly conservative dresser. I’ve been big on neutrals and classic, preppy silhouettes in clothing. Mainly because I’m practical and lazy and I know neutrals interchange beautifully, but also because those items allowed me to go unnoticed in most situations. So, you have to know I bought these booties with a specific occasion in mind.

As soon as they arrived at my house, though, the doubts began to creep in. Did I really need these? Was I seriously going to wear them in public? Had I lost my freaking mind? I admired them, tried them on, and told myself quietly, “I’ve just wasted our money.” I took them off, returned the paper wad to the toe and the foam form to the boot shaft, placed them back in their protective sleeves, and positioned them neatly in the box with a firm plan to send them back. Then a curious thing happened. I told myself to think about it and sit with them for a while. So, I left them on my son’s bed in my temporary office, for days. I would walk by them, take one of out of the box, smile at it, then put it right back where I found it. Yesterday morning, though, I did something different. Instead of putting them back, I put them on right over my Smartwool socks. I decided I was going to walk around in them for a bit and see how I felt wearing them around the house. Well, I felt pretty damn good. Never mind that I was wearing fleece-lined leggings and my Buffalo Bills sweatshirt with them. Even with that, I felt rather sassy. So I wore them for a few hours like that and became one with them. And in one last act of utter defiance against my practical mind, I put on Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” and danced in them. Yes. I. Did.

The boots are mine now. I gave them an honored space inside the closet. I’m not sure when I will be wearing them, but I will be wearing them, even if it’s just to dance around in my house. You gotta start somewhere. And, lest you think this subtle act of wardrobe rebellion is a one-off, I should probably let you know I also purchased a sequined jacket yesterday. That’s right. I think I’m entering my Extra Shiny Era. It appears I am finished being a wallflower. You’d best get out of my way. Next time this Colorado gal needs to kick someone who is throwing shade her shiny-ass way, she’s gonna be doing it with bejeweled, pointy-toed hardware, and that’ll leave a mark.

“You’ve always had the power, my dear. You just had to learn it for yourself.” ~Glinda, the Good Witch, The Wizard of Oz

Hawaii: The Big Island – December 28, 2021

Today was a day of the unexpected from start to finish. It began with my waking up early and deciding once again to go see if I could catch a pretty sunrise. I had my doubts because the forecast was for an overcast day with heavy clouds. Steve and I were the only ones out at 6:40 a.m., though, and were treated to this stunning Hawaiian greeting.

We had a ten a.m. departure time for a drive to the Hilo side of the island, so I decided to shower and grab a quick breakfast. While I was sitting at the outdoor table eating, our oldest announced there was a surprise visitor in the saltwater pool. A crab had found its way up the beach and decided that this pool might be a better option for him. Joe went on a mission to remove the visitor and eventually manage to coax it from the water in the pool onto the skimmer net. Once he acquired his target, Joe walked him down the rocks to a safe spot near the water where the crab was allowed to crawl back to whence he came.

Probably a little crabby about the forced relocation

With that excitement behind us, we departed for the windward side of the island, seven of us in a Dodge Grand Caravan. The drive was fascinating. This island is huge by comparison to the others. We learned the other day that this island is large enough to hold all the other islands and still have Big Island left over. Being accustomed to Kauai and Maui, driving around this island can feel daunting. There are 8 climate zones on this island, so a drive will take you through a lot of varied sights. We started with our tour guide, Joe, telling us about the different types of lava rock here, pahoehoe and aa (pronounced: paw-hoey-hoey and ah-ah, respectively). The first type has a smooth, billowy appearance, like a black cloud, and the second is very rough and rubbly. As we headed mauka (towards the mountain), the landscape changed. More greenery appeared before we hit an area of grasslands before we later hit a section with trees and flowers before we hit more of a forested area before we then began heading down again into more bushes and flowers. The Big Island is a good place to get a feel for all that Hawaii has to offer on her many islands.

I knew the house where we would find our relatives was remote, but honestly I was not prepared for the last stretch of road, which was single lane, slippery mud, with a river crossing. Yes. All of this in a front wheel drive Dodge Caravan. There was one point when we were pointed downhill towards a rocky river crossing and a couple expletives entered my head. Somehow, though, the Dodge managed it (just barely) and we arrived at our destination. We were not prepared for what we saw.

The rain on this side of the island means everything grows here. I mean everything. They had papayas, coconuts, bananas, pineapples, oranges, meyer lemons, and collard greens (among other things) growing. The flowers were stunning. The grass was lush. This girl from a semi-arid state was in awe. We got to sample organic bananas cut straight from the branch. I’m not a big fan of bananas, but if I could eat these every day I would.

The cousins live in a self-sustaining home, with solar power, rainwater collection, and propane taking care of most of their needs. They have chickens and are preparing to get some goats for milk and cheese. Their neighbors own cattle. They talked about how they barter for items they need, trading their produce and eggs for items other neighbors have. This world could not be any more different than my life in affluent suburban Colorado, where our organic produce comes from Whole Foods (and they may get some of it from here). For lunch, they laid out for us a table filled with locally sourced and homemade foods. There was gluten free banana bread made with coconut flour, some homemade rustic bread with homemade jam, fresh papaya and rambutan, and some assorted cheeses and sausage. They had also prepared freshly squeezed lemonade. I could almost get the appeal of this type of living, but then decided I don’t want to have to wait for a rushing river to recede after a rain to access my home after a 4-wheel drive trip into town. The kind of prefer a river-free, easy trip to the store and the post office.

Rambutan fruit, homemade banana bread, and sausage for lunch

After enjoying our meal and catching up for a bit, we returned to Kona, passing more climate zones on the way back. This island is something else entirely. Not gonna lie…it’s kind of hard not to like it.

We ended the day at our lovely rental home with some take out food from a popular restaurant and a relaxing, still evening on the lanai. At this point, I’m finding myself torn between here and Maui as a place to land permanently someday. There is something about Hawaii that feels like home to me. I’m not sure how a Colorado girl finds this as her alternate place, but here I am. If not the mountains, then the laid back, healthy-minded, nature-oriented, sea-based life of Hawaii is my dream.