I never intended to be a stay-at-home mom, but here I am…overworked and underpaid, living in yoga pants and scrubbing my own toilets. It’s taken me about 12 years to accept my position for what it is: exhausting, frenzied, stressful, and never-ending. I love my life and am grateful for all I have, but there are those times too when I think about getting in my car and just driving away. Occasionally, I feel like I’m on one giant hamster wheel, repeating Groundhog’s Day over and over. I light candles. I practice yoga. I suck down wine. And, most of the time I still want to smack someone.
A while back my friend, Rochelle, recommended The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle to me. That book presented me with an alternate way to view my reality. I try harder these days to remember that all I have is now. I aspire to find my highest self. And while I nearly never glimpse my higher self when I’m stuck in traffic on the way to drop someone off for tutoring or when I’m correcting math homework, the knowledge of its possible existence is never far away. Someday maybe I will embrace a wholehearted love for myself and my fellow people. Someday maybe I won’t care how wrinkled I am or notice how the dog-hair bunnies populate the surface of my wood floors. Someday maybe I will truly know peace. Maybe. Or maybe I’ll die trying. But, at least I will have tried and that’s something, right?
My name is Justine. These are my stories.
I read parts of that book, The Power of Now. I’m afraid I abandoned it mid-way through : ) No matter how we look at it, life is a journey. I don’t think we decide the course as hard as we try.
Othe great books are Ask and It’s Given by Ester Hicks. A brilliant read. Also to tickle your tastebuds and get you inspired and connected to.writing try The Artist’s Way by Julia Canfield. Hope you enjoy. Keep up with the writing.
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Love that last line. You’re very funny, did you know that –
I nominated you for the ‘One Lovely Blogger’ Award! http://hslaterblog.wordpress.com/2012/09/06/the-one-lovely-blogger-award/
I was a stay at home mom for 12 years and then found myself to be a single mom of 3 for the past 2 1/2 years… This really is not fun!!!
But we will make it!
You are a gift to your children. I’m inspired by your fortitude. I’m sure it’s incredibly difficult, but you sure do seem to be handling it all with as much grace as possible. Thanks for sharing your story!